Five simple steps to saying 'no' with style
Five simple steps to saying 'no' with style
Here's how to decline without offending
Do you ever find yourself saying "yes" to clients, co-workers, and physicians, when you really want to say "no"? The ability to say "no" may just save your sanity. The ability to say it without offending will help you maintain and build trusting relationships that make your job easier.
There are five simple steps to saying "no" with style, says Gary Richards, president of Richards & Associates Consultants, a management consulting and training corporation in Overland Park, KS. "Learning how to say 'no' without offending is essential if you are going to preserve your energy," he says. " If your relationship with the person making the request doesn't matter, it's easy to say 'no.' It's hard when it's someone you want or need to keep a relationship with."
Richards' five steps for declining requests without causing offense are:
1. Acknowledge the request. "This step seems redundant to many people. The other person knows what they've asked you to do," he notes. "However, acknowledging the request validates it and tells the other person that it was appropriate for them to ask you."
Example: "Thank you for asking me to speak at the senior center. I appreciate your confidence in my abilities."
2. Decline the request. The second step is to decline the request without appearing uncaring, Richards says. "You must avoid the use of the words 'but' and 'however,'" he cautions. "These words impeach your empathy. Instead, use 'and.' Explain your situation and the conflicts which prevent you from helping at this time."
Richards suggests case managers use the following phrases when declining a request:
· "My situation is that . . . ."
· "I am committed to . . . ."
· " My problem is . . . ."
· "What I'm facing is . . . ."
The key is to avoid negative language at all costs when declining a request, he says. "Be sure to describe a clear barrier to avoid the appearance of being uncooperative. And make sure you state your reasons clearly so that there is no confusion about the barriers that prevent you from fulfilling the request."
Example: "I'd like to help. My problem is that I'm committed on that day to accompany a client to a doctor's appointment to discuss changes in his treatment plan."
3. Give reasons for declining the request. "Steps two and three are actually combined," he explains. "You decline while at the same time giving reasons for your decline. If you can give a reason for declining a request, it helps the other person step into your shoes."
In addition, if you give a reason for declining a request, the other person feels more trusted than if you don't give a clear reason. "If you fail to give a reason for declining a request, it's as if you are insulting the ability of the other person to deal with it."
It's also important to be specific about your reasons for declining a request, Richards says. "Specificity also builds trust."
4. Suggest alternatives. "Suggesting alternatives, shows the other party that you care enough to take time to help them in other ways," he says. "If you don't suggest another solution, it appears as if you don't care. By trying to accommodate the other person in some way, you create good faith."
Example: "Have you thought of asking Cheryl or Alice to make the presentation at the senior center? I think Cheryl has given similar presentations in the past."
5. Be willing to negotiate. "It's even OK to change your mind and decide to fulfill the request," Richards notes. "If you do change your mind at this point, the other person will know all you've overcome to help. And the value that person places on your time and accommodation goes way up."
The process may seem like a word game, but it's a game that's well worth playing, he says. "All five steps taken together represent a process that in itself is a message of cooperation to the other person. That message is, 'It's OK you asked. I care. I cooperate. I decline.'"
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